It was the worst day of my life.
I immediately packed a bag and left for Mass. I live in Maine so I had an hour and a half drive to get to my mom's house and see dad before the funeral home came to take his body away. I'm not sure how I got myself down there in one piece because I was crying so much and could barely see the road. It was like driving through a torrential downpour! My husband stayed home with Zachery and was planning on coming down the day of the funeral. I went down earlier to help my mother with the arrangements and such.
It was so hard to walk into his bedroom and see him lying there.
I said my goodbyes, kissed him and told him that I loved him. I was feeling a bit better but after about an hour, someone said something (I can't even remember what it was), and I just lost it. I cried worse than before and my heart actually hurt. It felt as though my heart was actually breaking in two. It was painful. I felt like a little girl who wanted her daddy. It just hit me that I would never see my father again! The pain was like a knife through my heart. I felt weak and sick and I wanted to curl up in a ball, but I needed to be strong for my mother. My mom was strong. I couldn't believe how well she was holding up. She had been married to my father for almost 57 years!!
My mother stayed strong until the men from the funeral home had to remove his body. My sisters tried to take her outside and that's when my mom lost it. She cried so hard and said over and over again---"This is the last time he'll ever be in the house." She didn't want them to take his body away. Oh, it was so awful and heartbreaking to watch. My sisters finally got her outside and had her face the backyard so she wouldn't see what was happening. I stayed in the house. I'm used to people dying and seeing the bodies be removed to the funeral home because I work as a nursing assistant in a nursing home, but when it's a family member--it's so different.